Searching still

At times I feel so lonely even when family is with me. The emptiness that comes and never seems to leave. I search for inner peace without knowing the meaning of it. Running around asking with hope that I could find some one to help me with it. But I get no answer. I got the urge to join the Balinese on nyepi (a day that they observe spirituality whereby it is called a day of silence too). Will I get to know that inner peace I am searching for? Friends told me that I do not have to run so far spending so much money in search for peace. But why do I feel that I need to. The pull to go there to experience spiritual peace.

Wondering if God is putting me again in the desert which He had done on several occasions. It is not a pleasant state. I know friends and family are around yet I felt as if I am pushed to a corner....the dryness. Nothing I can do about it at all but to be patient and wait for the time He picks me up and puts me back where He thinks I belong. Now it is just a lump in my heart that I need to dissolve.

At this stage, I feel like nothing is right. Feeling rather restless. Hence finding small assignment to do. Strange but am begging for them. And fearing that I may not find this inner peace in time for life is short. Death comes without warning as many realized. No one likes talking about it.

I feel so strong yet so fragile. Was told to get a spiritual director to direct me. But who will want such an extra task and I don't even know what I would want to share. Have I confused my life?

WITCHY BITCHY ME

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Life's experiences with people I called friends


I have been on this earth for over 50 years. Friends come and go...some left this world, some left my life, some I am still journeying with and some still with me through thick and thin.

 When I have bad experiences with a few of them, I asked God why couldn't He give me the ones who are perfectly good. Now after pondering myself with this question umpteen times, He gave me an answer that my life experiences are all via friends may they be nice, bad or just passing-by friends. I agree that I have had got lots of happy and sad times with them. I only have to be discreet and to be able to discern.

 Some friends made use of us for their benefits then forget about us. Some true friends travel with us and supported us in our venture of life's difficult journey.

I used to get very upset with those who used me as an instrument to get what they favour. For example, they would ask me to ask a certain sensitive issue to another close friend. They would give bad feed backs about that person. They even suggested that I plan for some gathering but I was the one being left out at the end of the day. Funny was that you will find them having a good time with the person they had talked bad about behind his back. These built up my life and make me a stronger and wiser person. I learn how to forgive and be more vigilant.

Then there's some who will console us in bad times. They would be very concerned. I feel so blessed with such as they never push me off the edge. They are always there when I need them. I am thankful that I am provided such though very few.

I concluded that to have quality in friendship is better then to have quantity.

Reclining Buddha Temple at Burma Lane, Pulau Tikus, Penang

This morning we went to The Reclining Buddha Temple for my mom's second death anniversary prayer. My parents were staunch Buddhist so I have to carry out the rites due to filial piety. My husband went to invite the monks for the recitation. After that I gave them an ang pow each. They walked out without knowing that I was behind one of them. To my surprised he opened it and he didn't look happy about the content of RM5. He looked at me in a very unhappy manner. Then the man mending the temple with a cap who followed them quickly told me that I was supposed to put RM20 for each monk. I 'paid' the difference of RM30. I was wondering what had happened to Buddha's teaching? Are they not supposed to demand a certain amount. From what I know was that they should not even accept the ang pow if they are true in their Dhamma. Anyway, I paid as demanded but it is kamma that will follow them. This will be the last time I will engage the greedy monks.

Bali versus Batu Ferringhi

For these few months, my family and I have been staying at my Bayu Emas Apartment which is situated at the end of Batu Ferringhi. The beach is a stone's throw away so my husband and I walked to the beach nearly every evening. We had enjoyed swimming in the sea until recently. Recently was like since January. We were disappointed as it was a sea of muddy water. None of the tourists dared to go into the water. What a big shame it was as most of the tourists, whom I happened to mingle with, swear that this will be the last time they will come here but instead they will divert to beautiful Bali. I believe they will as I myself highly recommend Bali especially Kuta, Nusa Dua and Blue Point.

The stretch of beach at Kuta is never left to rot like Bat Ferringhi. It is well kept. Early in the morning we took a walk to the beach and it was only 6.30am but I saw uniformed sweepers cleaning the beach. Mind you not one but many. They were busy sweeping and scooping up the rubbish into plastic bags.

At Batu Ferringhi, what we see now are a stretch of black rotted dead leaves, plastic bottles, plastic bags, cans....and amazingly no one scoops them up. They were left to the waves to do the job. Talking about saving the environment, I wonder what the MPPP is doing? I see them until 7pm or even until 7.30pm everyday but they are only there to monitor the beach boys. Why can't they see the filth?

Pearl of the Orient????? Mud of the Orient to be precise. Aren't we suppose to help promote tourism here? Instead the tourist, foreign and local, are driven away. One tourist lamented that he came here NOT to be coop up in the hotel but wanted to enjoyed the sea.

Thanks the Penang government for letting the contractors to dump the mud excavated at the new link at Monkey Beach. Why can't a site where no tourist goes be picked? Penang is getting sick and dying.....cough, cough, cough

Beach Cleanup Batu Ferringhi, 2010

The Star publication ,a couple of weeks back, advertised for Penangites to participate in clean ups of three of our beaches. They are Gurney Drive, Tanjung Bungah and Batu Ferringhi. Three of us decided to register for the one at Batu Ferringhi as we are residing there. Registration was a big hassle but I did not give up. Finally a Mr Tan gave us reply via his mobile phone. Today I text him as I still have not got any reply from the Batu Ferringhi side. I was told that there are too many participants. I was wondering why they can't tell us earlier that they cannot accomodate too many people so that we can plan for other activities????? We are very disappointed. How inefficient the committee for the Bt. Ferringhi clean up is. No more such participation for us in future. Instead Mr Tan texted back to apologized. Basically this Mr Tan is the only one with full responsibility. He even texted back to apologized. WHAT ARE THOSE SUPPOSED TO MEND THE BATU FERRINGHI BEACH CLEAN UP DOING???? SLEEPING?????

We were looking forward to offer our help in installing a clean beach. Once bitten twice shy....I don't think we ever want to participate in anymore such projects. I have to do so much running around just to register.

The Royal Palace, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

Here we are at the Royal Palace where the present king resides. Of course this is the area where we were allowed to browse. Where he stayed is off limit. It is a beautiful palace and very vast. This is only a tiny part of palace ground. This building is where the coronation takes place. In there we can see jewelleries being exhibited that were worn by earlier queens. They were authentic. Sorry photos were not allowed in the building itself.